blueberries

Lots and lots of blueberries were picked, washed and bagged up for the freezer. It is wonderful being able to enjoy organic VT blueberries through the winter.

New Tattoo

Eek! It has been a very long time since I have taken any creative time for myself. Summer is half way over and I actually looking forward to fall so I don't have to feel guilty about working through the summer anymore. This summer was my first in 4 years that I have worked outside of the home and been away from my kids. I love my new job, but I miss my kids and my garden so much. The kids are having fun in summer camps, but I can't help feeling guilty that they are not home. I miss lazy summer mornings, coffee on the back deck, gardening, trips to the beach and library, and strolls down Church Street.

I just applied for the Women's Festival of Crafts happening in November here in Burlington and I hope to be involved in the Art Hop in September. This is all a kick in the butt to get my act in gear and start designing some fall/winter accessories. I have an obsession with chains and fiber right now and I can't wait to start creating.

For now I am going to enjoy the last 30 minutes or so of daylight and actually sit down on my back deck and enjoy my over grown gardens. I'll weed you soon gardens - I promise.

Changes

Life has thrown me a curve ball and I have found myself back to work in the real world. I recently took a job as an eCommerce analyst which means I am once again a working mama. I have been home with my kids full time for the past 4 years. It has been wonderful and I have loved every minute of it but it was time for many reasons for me to go back to work outside of the home.

I have been avoiding my blog because it was a way for me to not deal with the big question hanging over my head. What will become of my craft business? I am currently still producing and plan on continuing but at a different pace. I look forward to the challenge or working outside the home and running my little business. The key to keeping it going is to finally decide what has been working and not working for me. I plan on sticking with earrings and fiber arts. I have had a great summer selling my wash cloths at the Burlington farmers market through the wonderful Missy Bly of Clean City Soap. She created a super cute display incorporating my wash cloths with her handmade soaps. My new fiber necklaces and scarves are selling well at Trinket on Church St in Burlington and the response from people has been great so I plan on keeping those going also.

I am excited to announce that I will have work from my fiber arts collection on display at the Art Hop this year as a part of the Burton employee show. Kick off the Art Hop this Friday 9/11 at the Burton reception from 5-8pm. Food, drink, music, and lots of art. Read more about the event here.

Weekend upate

I am back from a wild weekend away by myself. This was only the second time I have ever left my family since becoming a mom almost 8 years ago. It was a much needed break. Two nights of reconnecting with lost friends. Some I haven't seen in 15 years. As much as I missed my family it was wonderful to be on my own for three days. No kids to watch, no butts to wipe, no one to feed but myself. I missed them madly but it was worth it. The trip also made me miss home a lot. A place I couldn't wait to get away from when I was younger, a place I now find myself wanting to be in again. My life seems to sometimes be one of always living in the past and future. Never the present.

This weekend was all about living in the moment, enjoying, reconnecting, remembering, wondering, reliving, and just plain being.

Curve ball

4 year ago I wrote this post when I was about to quit my full time job to stay home with my children full time. I had a budding jewelry business and high hopes of getting my childbirth education certificate so I could start teaching. Here I am 4 years later contemplating the opposite. I am actually interviewing to go back to work outside of the home. How did I get here? Well the economy went to shit, my husband had to take a pay cut this year when his company had lay offs, house taxes went up, and the list goes on and on. We were skimming by for the past 4 years but now we are beginning to sink. I never finished my childbirth certification class like I wanted, my jewelry business gives me some spending money from time to time, I have had some consulting work on and off, but nothing that provides the steady extra income we now require. It sucks. I am sad.

I can't help but think perhaps if I had just finished the things I had set out to finish I would be in a different place. I am excited about new challenges, but nervous about all I will be giving up at home. At this point so much is up in the air. I am doing lots of interviewing right now for several very exciting opportunities. I am hoping that the right one will fall into place. I will choose to think positively and keep moving forward as I always do.

Welcome Odie!

Two weeks ago tomorrow we picked Odie up in NH. He made the long trek from TN on a truck with lots of other dogs waiting to meet their new owners. It was a crazy drive down because we did it in one day. We thought we would have more time to hang out but it was raining when we got to the pick up site so we just got him off the truck, bonded as much as we could in the rain for a few minutes, then loaded him up in the car and headed back to VT. I can't believe it has only been two weeks because I feel like he has been living with us for months. He is a super sweet and settled into our home immediately. He is very easy going. After our experience with Zimo I am now convinced this was all meant to be.


I have more tales to tell about this past week. I will fill you in this weekend. Right now I must go enjoy my deck because it is so warm out and the kids are in bed.

xoxo

Sorry for the slight disappearance. Things have been a bit hectic over here. My husband went away for work and of course I got hit with the worst migraine I have had in a long time. I think the last when was during another work trip of his. Pattern here anyone? Yes I know that stress is one of the many triggers of my headaches. They have been in control (somewhat) over the past few years. I still get them daily but I hadn't had one that knocked me on the couch for some time. Mostly I can just walk around with them and look semi normal. Since the death of our dog, John's travels, money problems (the list goes on) I have noticed an increase in my headaches. Luckily I have an appointment in May to see a new Dr at a great headache clinic. I am not holding out hope but I am excited to see if they have anything new tell me.

Odie

In some exciting news we have decided to adopt another dog. His name is Odie and he is between 12-15 months old. He was a stray and spent a lot of time in a shelter in TN before finding a wonderful foster home where he has been for the past 4 months. We went through the same organization where we got Zimo. Golden Huggs Rescue. I know I have said it before but the two woman who run this and their team of volunteers are amazing! If you live in Rhode Island, Connecticut, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, Maine or Vermont and are considering rescuing a dog please try this organization.

We were supposed to pick up Odie last Saturday but tornadoes hit TN pretty hard and he missed getting on the transport truck. We were sad to not be able to get him but we are glad he and his foster mom are ok. So he will make the trek from TN to NH this week instead and we will travel to NH to get him on Saturday. We are all very excited to meet our new best friend.

Besides getting the house and yard ready for Odie I have been planting more seeds (lavender, basil, and zinnias) and working on my garden beds. The garlic I planted last fall is now peeking out in my raised bed. I love growing garlic. Last year was my first attempt. I hope I get a better yield this time.

I have also had my head deep in planning a spring craft show. I run an organization called Queen City Craft and I will be putting on the spring edition of the Queen City Craft Bazaar on May 9th. 46 amazing indie crafters will be there selling their wares.

I am going to put S down for his nap and cuddle on the couch with a cup of tea. It is cold and damp here today. Bring back the warmth!

xoxo

Moving on

Friday was a week since Zimo's death. Needless to say it was a very long week. The warm spring weather didn't help our grief. I found myself pining for his companionship. I missed taking him on walks, playing outside and trips to the dog park. I miss him. I surprised myself though and started looking through the list of available dogs for adoption. At first I felt guilty and then I found it brought great comfort to me for some reason. The experience of adopting a dog in need had such an impact on my life I now realize I will be involved with adoption forever.

The day Zimo died I swore I would never get another pet. I could not possibly go through this level of loss again. As the week went on and I had more time to reflect I suddenly realized I was thinking about it all in the wrong way. I could not let my fear of loss hold me back. I had in fact chosen to get pregnant again after losing my first baby despite the incredible amount of loss and grief losing "little" brought me. Loving and losing is hard but if we are so afraid of it why do we get married, have children, form friendships, or get into relationships when we know one day we will lose them all? We do it because we were meant to love. For this reason I have decided that adopting another dog is what I want to do. My family on the other hand might not be quite so ready. I will need to give them the time they need to grieve and heal in their own way and when we are all ready we will make the decision together.

The hard part is I actually found a dog from the adoption list that in my opinion seems perfect for us. I can't stop thinking about him. he is currently in a foster home but needs to find a forever home. When you adopt a dog out of foster care you are actually saving two lives. The dog you adopt and another one because once you rescue the dog out of the foster home it opens up a space for another dog to be pulled out of the high kill shelter and give them a longer chance at living. It is a wonderful thing.

My heart will always love Zimo but I know I have room to love again. I choose to believe he would want us to save another one of his friends from the South who so desperately want to be adopted.

Goodbye sweet Zimo

Zimo at about 3 months. This was the picture we saw in the Internet and fell in love with.

Our beloved Zimo, who we adopted last summer passed away on Friday. He was 11 months old. It happened within a matter of minutes. He has been healthy with absolutely no problems whatsoever. He had a normal day at home with me today as he always does. At around 4:00 as the kids were sitting on the couch and I was at my desk, Zimo was laying on his favorite dog bed in the middle of the living room and he started convulsing. I immediately called the emergency vet number but as I was on the phone with them getting directions in a matter of minutes his bowls went and the convulsions started slowing down. I knew at this point he was gone. I ran next door to get my neighbor to watch the kids so I could rush him to the vet but she confirmed he was really gone. I don't understand. He went from normal to dead in 5 minutes. We are told it must have been a genetic issue with his heart or brain. There were no warning signs, he did not seem to suffer at all. It just happened so fast. Before I could really understand what was happening he was gone.

Getting Zimo off the truck after his trip from Tennessee.


getting ready for the drive back to VT

Adopting Zimo was a long journey for us. We took a few years discussing the idea of getting a dog and researching what we wanted to get. Zimo came into our life on a whim. We adopted him from a local rescue organization called Golden Hugs Rescue. They rescue dogs who are homeless in the South and have them transported to the East Coast. We fell in love with his picture on the Internet and traveled to NH to meet him after his long journey from Tennessee.

He was young and crazy at first but quickly became a part of our family.

I miss everything. I miss his dog hair all over the house, I miss having to take him out go to the bathroom on freezing cold days, I miss our long walks, I miss taking him to the dog park, I miss playing ball in the back yard, and I miss his non stop need for love and attention. I miss him. This morning after dropping off the kids at school, coming home to an empty house was very hard. The house is so quiet and I just don't know what to do with my self right now. It just doesn't seem fair.

We are beside ourselves with grief. He was just about to turn 1 and was just way too young.

I don't know that I can do this again. A part of me wants to adopt again soon because life without a dog seems so strange now. The other part of me is so afraid to go through this loss again. I know what happened to Zimo was very rare but it hurts so much to think about it. I can't get the image of my puppy dying in front of me out of my head. For some reason I am finding comfort in looking at other rescue dogs who need homes. At first I felt guilty about doing it but now I see it more as an honor to Zimo.

enzo with his best pal Zimo last month.

I have no regrets about adopting him. He was meant to be on this earth for a short time for some reason but we rescued him when he needed a home and we gave him a wonderful life while he was here. Please consider adoption if you are getting a pet. We learned through this process that there are so many unwanted animals out there. Zimo had been found in a box with 10 other puppies. Just left by themselves. If you are in VT, ME, NH, MA please consider Golden Huggs Rescue. I cannot even being to explain how incredibly helpful they were to us from the beginning to the end. If and when we are ever ready to take on another dog we will absolutely rescue with them again.



Thank you Zimo for coming into our lives and showing us how much love we have to give. I regret that your last day with us wasn't the best. It was too cold and icey to play ball outside, I had too many errands to run to spend as much quality time with you that day as I normally do. I wish I had stopped and given you one last hug before you went away. I will continue to feel good about the fact that we gave you a loving home and you were able to be at home with me every singe day since we got you. I have learned to slow down a little bit more and make sure each day I have with my family is the best it can be. Life is short and unpredictable. Hug the ones you have in your life - human and non just a bit tighter today.

Yesterday is gone, tomorrow does not yet exist, we only really have today.

Goodbye Zimo. We love you very much.

xoxo

looking for light

I feel like I am losing it today. Money, winter blues, it's all adding up.

Big step

I have talked about my love of writing poetry here before. I have been writing since I was very young. I was very active in college by reading and performing at special events, taking poetry writing classes, and I was even published twice in the literary magazine published by the school. Since college though I have not publicly read or submitted my work. I recently stumbled upon a local event happening here in Burlington called F@#* Valentines Day poetry night. I have decided the time is right. I am going for it. I plan on attending and signing up to read. Last night I pulled out some of my older notebooks and my final portfolio I did for my last poetry class. Reading my professors final words gave me the inspiration I needed to do this. Her final statement was "You will be a strong writer if you want to be. Keep reading and keep writing." I am not sure why I have put this on the back burner but it is time to move it to the front.

At first I started to stress about how I would pick just one to be my first. Then it hit me and I just knew. I have waited 15 years to read this one particular poem and I can't wait!

wish me luck!

Winter reflections

I have officially hit a slump. Call it the mid winter blues if you will but I have hit hard. I used to love winter back when I could actually snowboard. Two kids and no money makes that pretty hard these days. Everything seems harder in the winter. Putting on and taking off all the necessary layers multiple times a day, trying to find a way to exercise the dog, and trying to find a way to exercise me are adding up to my hatred of winter. I am a summer gal. I am a garden goddess. I need to spend at least part of every day digging in the dirt. I love taking breaks from working by sitting in the warm sun in my backyard with a cup of tea.

Now I sip my tea indoors, looking out my back slider at the mounds of snow covering my garden beds, covering my backyard living space, covering up my release. I feel stuffed. Stuffed inside this tiny cottage with no privacy, no air, no movement. During the summer my living space expands and I finally have more room to breath. My deck becomes my night time hang out - giving my husband and I space if we need it. I can talk on the phone in peace or build a backyard fire to relax and get away from the computer and TV.

I love my backyard. Every winter around this time I start planning my garden. What to plant in the existing beds, where to put some new beds, what part of the yard I can dig up and transform this year. I enjoy making a garden journal with my children. We list out what we want to plant, make a map, and then we take before and after pictures each season. It is also a great way to record what worked or didn't work in your garden.

Winter isn't all that bad I guess. I do welcome the slowness and reflection it brings each year. I am not quite sure I would actually want to garden all year long. It is nice to take a break from yard work and get refreshed for the next season. I love watching my kids playing in the snow. There is something priceless about the simple act of sledding, building snowmen, and sticking you tongue high into the air to catch a fresh flake.

I guess instead of letting the winter blues take over I will choose to enjoy the last few months where it is ok to slow down and reflect. Summer will be here before I know it and so will raking leaves, entertaining two kids on vacation, daily yard work, bike rides, trips to the lake, park adventures, camping, house projects - and the list goes on and on. See, I'm exhausted already just talking about it. Instead I will go start up the wood stove, make a pot of tea and enjoy the winter stillness.

Playdates make me scream

I can't stand the term playdate. It really bugs me. I don't know what it is about that word but it makes me cringe. A playdate is a scheduled time of supervised play arranged at someone's house, the park or other family friendly place. It's not that I don't want my kid socializing with others it's just that it all feels so forced. I was introduced to the world of playdates once my oldest child started Kindergarten last year. Before that he just hung out with any kid that my friends happened to have. Once we hit Kindergarten the rules change and playdates begin.

I have been lucky so far that the friends he has made and wanted to hook up with outside of school we have approved of. The families are great and the kids are great so it has worked out well for us. He is in 1st grade now so we have a little bit of experience with play dates under our belts now. The problem is I suck at them.

I am not good at inviting kids to my house. I know it and I was reminded of it yesterday when I received an email from a mom who basically asked me if her child could ever be invited to our house since they have had my son so many times. At first I was taken aback by her honesty but she is right. I am totally behind in keeping up with my end of the play date circle. I owe a few people some dates at my house.

I can't really explain it and I know I will be better about it during the summer months but right now it is just hard for me. We are not an over scheduled family. We don't play organized sports. I like the kids to come home after school, do their homework and chill. Perhaps it is the way I was raised. My sister is the complete opposite though. Her family never stops. School days, weekends, whenever, those kids are maxed out with sports. They are always coming and going and just hearing about makes me not be able to breath. Every family is different though and you have to do what works for you. It works for them, but it could never work for me.

I am sorry to anyone who might feel our playdate circle has been uneven. I promise to try harder.

Just make it happen

When I was in high school in NH back in the late 80's early 90's Martin Luther King day was not celebrated. There was no day off from school or work. We didn't do much of anything to honor the day at all. One year on MLK day when I was junior or senior, a group of students including myself decided to hold a sit in to protest the fact that the school did not recognize the holiday. We skipped classes all morning and sat outside of the administration offices. By afternoon the administration decided to listen to what we had to say. They asked us to move into the library and gave us the chance to speak. Students stood up and spoke about why they thought the day was important and should be recognized. Some spoke from the heart and some read passages from books. I stood up and read a poem I had written. The school decided to listen to us and from that point on they held an assembly every year with speakers to honor the day.

Now the school has the day off as does most in the country but I can't help to feel a bit proud that a group of us decided to speak our voices and stand up for what we believed in. I was reminded of this event yesterday as the country celebrated Martin Luther King day and today as President Obama spoke to the American people about hope, change, and how it takes all of us to stand up unafraid and make that change.

I am sure I speak for so many people when I say that today was truly an inspirational day. I haven't felt this kind of pride for my country in a long time.

My 7 year old son watched the inauguration in school today. When I picked him up he said "Do you know what my favorite part was mommy? His speech. He is a really good speaker."

He might not fully understand the magnitude of today but I feel he walked away with a piece of something. I wish for him a better world. I hope we can all work together to make it one.

"We will extend our hand, if you are willing to unclench your fist" -President Obama

Rockless night out

Each year I feel my age creeping up on me. Each time I go out I feel it more and more. Last night JB and I went out on the town together. This is a big deal because we go out together maybe twice a year. We can't afford babysitters so we rely on the good will of our favorite neighbors who offer to hang out in our house for free. Because we don't pay them we feel we can only ask a few times. It was our friend's 30th birthday and her husband set up a surprise gathering at a local watering hole called the Red Square. Many locals don't like this establishment because the drinks are over priced (totally), and it gets super crowded with drunk college kids (it is a college town you know). I myself really like Red Square. The decor is dark and artsy, it always has live music, and the two outside seating areas it has in the summer months rock.

Yes I like the Red Square. Even though when you look at the drink menu whether you order local brews such as Switchback or Magic Hat, or you order Labatt Blue - you pay $4.50. I can look past this unfortunate pricing structure and still have a good time.

Last night was filled with good friends, good beers, and so so live music. The plan was to hang out at Red Square until 10:00 and then head over to Nectar's to watch a friend's band play. I knew the band really wouldn't go on at 10:00 - they never do. So we headed home without being able to follow our friends to the second location. Why can't bands just play when they say they are going to play? You know damn well when they say 10:00 show that really means 10:45. That's not right. It's not right that I can't stay up past 11:30 or I will have a massive headache the next day. It's not right that I am no longer able to see live music except for the free concerts in the park that start at 7:00 in the summers.

Do I have to give in to the masses and indulge in Rockband or Guitar Hero in an attempt to artificially feel the sensation of music rushing through my blood? I refuse, I refuse, I refuse

Happy New Year!

Another year has come and gone. I have cried, sighed, laughed, and loved in 2008 and I plan to do more of it in 2009. I went to the dentist for the first time in a very long time yesterday. I am embarrassed at how long it has been. I realize that I take care of everyone around me before I take care of myself. Going to the dentist was the first step in changing that. It is such a simple thing to do but when I run around taking everyone else to their appointments it is easy to forget about my own. I was so nervous to go but I did it. I wish I could say that was it for the next 6 months but it will take a few more cleaning trips and some fillings to get me to where I need to be.

It feels good to have made the step though. It was the first of many steps of self health I plan on taking in the coming year. No more putting this mama on the back burner.

Holiday unwrap

Highlights of Christmas day:
*Enzo got an Irish whistle from his Aunt Catherine
*Sal ate ham for the first time ever (he has been a vegetarian his whole life - tried turkey on Thanksgiving but said it tasted like air).
*Sal got a new hand knitted sweater from his Alaskan grandmother
*Enzo got a new lovey.

My parents couldn't make it for Christmas as planned. First the weather and then health issues with my mom. We did share a wonderful feast with John's Aunt and Uncle who also live in VT. We enjoyed sweet potato strudel, baked ham (yuck), stuffing, rolls, veggies, and John's famous pecan pie for dessert. I missed my parents being with us but we had a good time anyway.

Two days before Christmas we took down our real Christmas tree and put up our fake one. We have had a fake one for the past two years because of a suspicion that I am allergic to them. This year I begged to get a real one so we gave in and tried it. Ironically enough the week we put up the tree my headaches started to get worse than normal and in general I started to feel awful. After a trip to my doctor who then sent me to my chiropractor the day before Christmas Eve, I came home and announced we were taking it down. While unwrapping the lights I broke out in hives on my hands so I think my suspicion was right. Needless to say the kids loved putting together the fake tree and decorating for the second time. As sad as I am to admit it I must let go of having a real tree for the holidays.

I love the holidays but even as hard as I fight it the stress sneaks in. For me it is the pressure that gets to me. Pressure to have my children experience the same excitement I felt as a child and pressure to have everyone stay healthy so they can enjoy the day to the fullest. I know these are both beyond my control and the best way for me to stay healthy is to try and let go a little bit and let it be. Yeah right - we'll see how well that goes next year.

happy holidays to you all!

Remembering / reliving the past

That was then

According to Wikipedia "A Hoosier cabinet (also known as a "Hoosier") is a type of cupboard popular in the first decades of the twentieth century."

I was lucky to inherit one that had been passed down from my grandmother. After it was passed down to my parents it lived in their dining room as I was growing up. It was always one of my favorite pieces of furniture in the house. When my parents had to downsize and sell our family home a few years ago the piece was passed on to me. I was beyond thrilled to welcome it into my home. We moved it into our family room and it acted as our office.game storage. My dream has always been to move it into my kitchen where it truly belongs. This week I was able to fulfill this dream.

This is mine

After removing a large shelf/coat rack from the wall and moving our mound of shoes I had finally found a spot. It took less time than I thought to clean out the years of paperwork we had thrown in there. It was such a relief to finally tackle the piles of paper and stuff growing inside. I was like a giddy child when I finally had it set up in kitchen and began adding cloth napkins to the drawers and tea boxes to the cabinets. I stood back and smiled as I knew my grandmother would be so proud. I am excited for my parents to see it when they come up for Christmas this week.

My kitchen is my other craft studio. Cooking is my other creative outlet. My hoosier is a reminder of the past and how much I love pouring passion into my home made food the way my grandmother did before me.

Happy holidays everyone! Here's to remembering the past and living a bit better in the present.

Snowy day reflections

With warm tea in hand I watch the snow falling outside. After a hectic, anxiety filled day yesterday, mother nature has forced me to slow down and reflect. Burlington was the only town in Vermont not to have a snow day today. Ok, maybe not but it sure feels like it. The snow hasn't stopped falling, the roads are terrible but of course Burlington has school. Oh well.

Our Christmas tree is up and our presents are bought. With my crazy holiday craft show schedule behind me I am focus on celebrating the holidays with a warm heart. I have a lot to be thankful for this year. Most recently my oldest son Enzo (age 7) was selected to participate in a new program at his school called Project Explore. This program was designed this year to meet the needs of a few of the students who showed a unique interest in learning. It is a cross-curricular exploration of math, literacy, and science, using a visual format. The program takes place once a week for half of the school day. I are so proud of him for being chosen. Students needed to meet and exceed standards in all curricular areas, exhibit initiative and leadership in academic areas, and proceed with assignments easily even if they miss instruction. The last being very important since the students miss half of their class to attend the program. This program is perfect for him. I am thrilled to know the school is thinking out side of the box and creating these programs.

My other son Salvatore is learning and growing so much at preschool. It has been wonderful to watch him interact with other children and come home with stories of play and learning. He is changing and growing so quickly.

I have been loving my adventures in the kitchen. Cooking is another creative outlet for me. I love making good food from scratch. It is cheaper, healthier, better for the environment and easier than one would think.

As you might have noticed I have been posting more recipes lately. I can't give a lot to my friends and family this year but I thought I would give the gift of good food to all. I hope you enjoy the recipes. There will be more coming.